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Gilly's
Glen
May
I can't believe that it's May already, can you?
5-28-02
Today I was told that I was a mixture of Mel from
Frasier, Trinity from The Matrix, and Julia Stiles. Julia was
only added because the other two have dark hair, and there needed to
be a blonde. Anyway, I plan to take it as a compliment, and start
telling people that I kind of look like Trinity. I feel special. I
have one more day of high school. I just finished the last chem lab
I will ever have to finish, and tomorrow I will take my last high
school calc test. I couldn't be happier. The graduation money is
starting to roll on in. It's comforting, because now I'll actually
be able to make deposits into my savings account. Wow, I just reread
all of that, and in my head it sounded pretty monotone...have all my
updates lately been this dull? The truth is, I don't really know how
I feel about graduation, but I'm afraid to think about it and figure
it out. I have this problem with thinking, once I start, I can't
stop. Right now I just want all of this to be over so that I can relax
for a few weeks before I have to work my ass off for the rest of my
life. Reality hasn't hit me in one big bang, more like slow deliberate
steps. Each one slightly worse than the one before it. Right now I'm
kind of holding my breath, afraid of what could possibly come next.
Oh, and I have had horrible cramps since about 1pm. Bleh.
5-23-02
I am here, have no fear! :) My tummy aches this
evening. I'm not sure why, I fed it pizza and brownies, and drank a
lot of coffee with my mommy. Tomorrow is senior ditch day and my plan
is to sleep through my first two classes and go to Calc at 12:53. The
times are so random at my school. Today I got to explain to my friend
Forest that yes, there are actual bisexual people in the world. It's
not just a derogatory term that stupid people use. He asked me what it
was like, and I just laughed at him, cause he is so totally naive.
I was trying to be
cryptic in my AIM convo with Dina that he was reading, and then she
just comes out and says, "It's really funny that Susan thought you and
I were dating." I didn't mind that he found out, but it was still
pretty funny. In case any of you have been wondering, which I highly
doubt...Dina is straight, and even if she wasn't I don't think I
could date her. I've never been attracted to her in THAT way, and I
think we would totally just kill each other. But enough on that,
nothing too exciting has been going on with me lately. Except that I'M
GRADUATING in 8 DAYS!!!! And I only have two real days left of school.
7 more classes to attend. My mental condition is pretty stable as of
this moment, but that's subject to change at any time. Nightie night.
5-17-02
Ladida. Thanks to Shelby for the happy vibes. And
to Emily for drinking coffee at Denny's with me. And to Mia for
making my day today. And to Terrence for being so incredibly cool.
And to Carlos for hitting on me. Matt for being Matt. Dina for
making me buy underwear (three thongs, pink, blue and black). Thanks
Magenta for being right there with me (how's tricks?). Ummmmm....today
wasn't too terrible, but it wasn't all that great either. Got up, went
for coffee w/ mom, got some money for graduation from one person I've
never met, and another I wasn't expecting it from. Went to work and
found out we didn't get this huge grant that we were counting on. Hung
out in the depths of despair for a while, then forgot and played with
Christina's daughter Mia for a long time. Matt came and visited me, and
before that, Carlos hit on me. Got off at 8ish, went to see Emily,
looked at Kohl's for a while, and got the aforementioned underwear.
Went to Denny's, drank coffee and was mean to Terrence for a while.
Emily and I have our whole good cop bad cop routine down pretty well. I'm
always a total bitch to Terrence, and she's all sweet and nice. Tis
very amusing. That's actually what we did with Jeremy at first too,
and now he's in jail, the bastard. Anyway, I got "home" and felt like
updating, so here I am. This week has been busy, I've had very little
time to think since I last updated, which is a good thing, trust me.
Tomorrow night is the geheime Fete, as I like to call it. On Sunday,
I'm supposed to call Matt and we're going to watch a movie. Or something.
I now have officially two weeks until graduation, ahhhhh!! I can't wait
and at the same time I'm petrified that it's soooooo soon!
5-14-02
I have problems, but I've come to the conclusion
that I simply cannot think about them, because that only serves to
make them worse. I just end up going in circles in my head and
getting extremely angry with myself. That does me no good. Tonight
I sat in my room for two hours staring at nothing, listening to
Linkin Park and trying to figure out what I was going to do about my
problems. Then I decided that I really needed to go for a run, so I
walked around the neighborhood for a while, and ran a bit. I came
back, we made dinner and have been watching TV. Until just now, I
haven't given any thought to my problems. In fact, I've decided that
from now on, when someone asks me how I am, or if anything is wrong,
I will simply say, "I don't want to talk about it." I even left work
two hours early because I couldn't concentrate on any work, and it
wasn't doing me any good to just sit there. So I left. And as for
the rest....I don't want to talk about it.
5-7-02
I've turned into a sporadic updater. I am very sorry. Sometimes life just gets in the way. I am doing okay right now. Haven't cried for a few days....that's how I gauge my emotional state. I hung out with my mom for about an hour tonight, we sat at Borders and just talked. It was nice, even though the stuff we talked about wasn't entirely happy. My stepdad is still avoiding me, which is better than having him speak his mind to me, trust me. I did my final for Celtic Lit today, I am sooooooo glad that the class is over!! Don't get me wrong, I loved it, but it was a big hassle, and I hated having to miss work for class. I am going to have a ton of hours this week, I realized, which is very happy, cause I haven't been working as much lately and my bank account is suffering. Especially since I have some nice big college bills beginning to roll on in. We're starting interviews for my replacement this week. We actually only have two lined up, and I'm a bit concerned, cause I really don't think either of them will work out. *sigh* Well we have all summer, I guess. I really like where I'm living now. Dani and I get along great, Susan and I of course get along. It's nice to live in a house where people aren't so critical of your every move. Tonight, Dani and I exchanged messed up family stories at dinner. 'Twas cathartic. There hasn't really been a whole lot of exciting stuff going on with me, besides the obvious moving. On Saturday, I borrowed Susan's Xterra and brought over a bunch of stuff. That night we had a party of sorts....One of the greatest things about Susan's is that I am allowed to drink. She wants me to try stuff out now, while I'm relatively safe. So Saturday I experienced tequila shots for the first time. I didn't get sick, and I didn't make the tequila face, but I did get pretty weak in the knees. I had to sit down for a while, cause I wasn't too sure of my knees, and I sorta dizzy. Overall, it wasn't a bad experience. Ummmmmm, die Duetsch Fete macht kein Spass, weil ich muss Staube saugen, und so weiter. Ja. The cat now sleeps with me, which is kind of nice still. Though from what I've heard from Dani and Susan, sharing a bed isn't all it's cracked up to be. Apparently Susan twitches and grinds her teeth all night long.
5-4-02
"Is it wrong to feel happy in life and yet not love being alive at all?" Hell no! In fact, nothing could sum up my life better right now than this quote. Thanks Jimmy. I saw Spider-Man w/ Emily's family this afternoon, it was very happy. Kirsten Dunst is hot, Tobey is cool, he made a good Spiderman, and in general the movie was done well. I also felt very cool because we were first in line to get into the theatre, thanks to Emily's lovely mommy. Although, when Emily and I got there, there were only three other people in line. Then Emily had to take off her shoes to show off her Spiderman socks, two different ones. She couldn't find the match for either pair, so she wore both. After the movie, we got Cherry 7-Up at this 711 that Emily found that has it. We ran some errands and then went to Denny's. We drank far too much coffee and ate only hash browns. We found that we have become so regular that waiters only need to use hand signals when we arrive. Two fingers, point towards non-smoking and gesture to tell us to sit anywhere. Point to menus, ask "coffee?" Giant bowl of creamers. Tonight, I think we sat through four different shifts of people, at least. I cried for a while, then Emily reciprocated, and in the end I think we both felt a little better. The waiters probably wondered what the hell we were doing cause I cried for about an hour and did all the talking, and then we switched. Mostly, it was just nice to sit there and be there for each other. Everyone needs a friend like Emily, and a place like Denny's, in my opinion. Some of you do, congratulations! I got back to Susan's and talked to Susan and Dani for a bit. Dani has her own landscaping business, and she has a domain, but no site. Susan I guess volunteered me to create a site for her, which is more than ok. I'm all excited, cause this will be my second domain, and I actually know what to do and everything!! Woohoo!! Tomorrow I need to do laundry and actually attempt to make a room out of the mess of stuff I have right now. It will be much easier w/o all the Pooh stuff, so as soon as Dani takes care of that..... Anyway, I have to actually get up in the morning, so I can't stay up all night.