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Gilly's
Glen
June 2002
The first month of summer, let's start it off right!
6/30/02
My parents finished packing up their U-Haul and
pulled out of town just before 2pm today. Yes, I did cry. The
good bye lasted for a lot longer than I would have liked. It took
about 30 minutes from the time they were ready to go to the time when
they actually drove away. It's going to be weird not having my mom
right across town. But then I have two moms at home and another 4 at
work. But still. I left my grandma's, and stopped at Safeway to get
Mountain Dew for Dani. There was a special today. Then I came home
all teary eyed and almost had Dani crying for me. Susan was pretty
teary too. One of the last things my mom said to me was, "Tell Susan
and Dani that I said to take good care of you." I managed to whisper
back, "They do." God. I'm shaking and crying now. Despite what we
go through, I really do love my mom a lot. Craig I'm not so sure on,
he was nice today, but I still haven't gotten over Thursday. When I
went to dinner with them on Thursday, I mentioned something about
Christmas, and basically got told that I couldn't come to Arizona
unless Craig is better because me being there automatically makes it
worse. Susan and Dani really have been great this week. When I got
home Thursday night, Susan let me cry on her, and when I got off the
phone with my mom they sat and listened to me. I couldn't believe
that I almost had Dani crying today, cause Dani doesn't cry. She
called me yesterday morning while I was helping my parents load the
truck just to try and make me smile. You can't ask for a better "mom"
than that. I think I'm going to go watch a movie and mope, like Susan
reccommended. Her and Dani are out shopping, and I kinda wanted to
go, but also felt like staying home and moping. And doing laundry.
Later I have to go and pick up Lory and the kids at the airport in a
giant 15 passenger van that I've only driven once before.
6/24/02
Okay. I'm sure you're all wondering about that
last update. *rolls eyes because she knows that isn't really true*
I have no real explanation, that just kinda came out. It was real, it
was the truth, and it's me. Over the next few weeks, when I have time,
I am going to be making some much needed changes to this site. Last
night, I met with Jackie for about half an hour. We talked and got
some things cleared up that needed to be cleared up. I was pretty
brutally honest with her, and I'm not really sure how she took it. Over
the next few weeks I'm going to do the same thing with Jen and Brenda.
I won't really be saying the same stuff, but it's all kinda connected.
Hopefully I won't get the same wounded dog look when I start out every
time. I spoke to Brenda briefly on the phone last night, she's up at
CU for this thing, and she can't leave. Lately I've been feeling really
really bad. I kinda start shaking and can't move. I just sit there
with this total feeling of Ragnorak hanging over me. Why? I still
haven't found a second job. No second job=no second semester. I really
don't want that to happen. Plus the weird stuff that's going on with
friends . . . It just kinda adds up to this panic attack and I feel so
helpless. I was that way all morning and part of the afternoon. Then
I drove around with Jill and Amy looking at the painted geese around town and
started to feel better for some odd reason. And now I really need to
prep for a presentation in an hour.
6/21/02
I like sitting on the left side of the movie
theatre. Somewhere in the middle, but closer to the back, right next
to the wall. I like to stay through part of the credits, just until the
crush of people has left. I've had a crush on Catherine Mackie since
the fourth
grade. I don't intend to ever do a thing about it because she is very
clearly straight. Younger men can be pretty sexy when they try. I
like staying up late watching TV, but when I feel
sleepy I go to bed. I am the only one who my cat will allow to pick
up and hold her, she likes to be stroked a certain way on her neck. I
like the taste of tequila better than any other drink I've had thus far.
Sitting in the corner and watching others interact is more fun for me
than to throw myself into the middle of the action. I like
snowshoeing! I enjoy the outdoors for what they are, I don't need to
be risking my life to have fun outside. I am scared of heights, but I
like rock climbing, because it pushes my limits. I can pick and choose
which soapbox I want to get on. GLBT issues are not a soapbox I get on.
That does not mean that I don't support GLBT issues, or that I don't
want to go to Pridefest this weekend. I do get on the youth soapbox, at
a moment's notice. I can be pretty damn cute when I try. The Bourne
Identity is a really good movie. I pick my cuticles because I have
a constant need to be doing something with my hands. I AM HAPPY!
6/9/02
Emily thinks that she's been bad about updating?
In the past six weeks, since I moved out of my parents, I've updated
maybe ten times, MAYBE. But anyway, I too am hot and sweaty and in a
mood to update. I feel all cute tonight in my little shorts and
T-shirt. I was working on my car earlier, cause it had somehow
leaked oil. I still have about 800 miles to go before it needs to be
changed, but I'll probably change it as soon as I get back from my
trip to Wisconsin this week. I get this total power rush when working
on my car, though the past two days trying to figure out how my bike
rack goes on, I haven't felt too cool. I'm taking it with me to work,
cause one of my co-workers has the same kind of car and the same brand
of bike rack. Today is Sunday, which I didn't realize until about 5pm,
but around here that means it's "Queer As Folk" night. "Queer As Folk"
is this great Showtime series about a bunch of friends, most of whom are
gay. And hot. Well the men are hot, the women not so much. Actually
one of the men. The one who's been getting quite a bit of action the
past two episodes. One of the two guys that he is fucking is also
pretty hot, has this cute little tuft of hair right under his bottom
lip. What? Did you think I was going to say something else? Teehee.
No, this may be a cable show, but it's not hard core porn. Maybe soft
porn, but there's nothing wrong with seeing a couple of hot bodies
getting it on. Okay, I'm starting to get carried away here. Tomorrow
is my first day back to work, and I have to attend a four hour
Communication Training with the whole team because of one of our staff
people. Grrrrr, I won't even have a chance to wade through the mountain
of email that I know I'll have until the afternoon, and then I have a
meeting at three. Agh! *deep breathe* Okay, I can't let myself get
stressed just yet, I haven't even started my second job yet. But I
should go, it's almost 10, my new bedtime. :)
6/7/02
I had a very lovely dream last night involving
someone that I haven't dreamt about for a very, very long
time. It ended rather bittersweetly and caused me to wake up in a
very good mood for no particular reason. I could hear Dani and Stu
and Susan upstairs talking, so I got up to pick on Stu for waking me
up. Then I went back to bed and dreamt an even more bittersweet and
lovely ending for my previous dream. Last night I was at Denny's
with Dina, and I ran into this guy that I haven't seen in a really
long time. Apparently he sees me in there all the time, but has
never actually come over, cause he didn't think I would remember him.
Anyway, this proves yet again, how interesting this summer will be. I
am extremely excited to be going to Wisconsin next week, sort of
relating to my dream, but in a roundabout way. Anyway, I'm hoping that
my happy dream will carry me through the rest of the day in this
good mood.
6/1/02
*incredibly large sigh* High school is finally officially over for me. I'm bummed cause yesterday wasn't actually that great of a day. Friday night I went over to my parents after softball (we won!), and had all my stuff cause I was planning on spending the night. I woke up at 5:45am without any alarm going off. I had a whole list of things that I had forgotten at Susan's, so I got showered and ready then went home to get all the stuff. Craig was being kind of an ass for no particular reason when I got back. I put my robe on, we took a few pictures and then left for the school. We went to the special school breakfast, and eventually Jackie, Brenda and Jen showed up. We finally made our way to the small gym where we were supposed to line up, and I realized that I had forgotten my yellow honor society tassels. I know that a lot of you will think it's stupid, but I don't care. I had those fucking tassels, I earned them, and fuck it, I was going to graduate with them. So I called the house, and Dani was still there so I had her bring them with her. She got there right before we started to head outside. The while we are standing and waiting for everyone to get outside, the two morons I had to sit next to both tried to grind with me, because Pomp and Circumstance is apparently "grinding music." I enjoyed the valedictorians' speeches cause they were both pretty weird. However, the guys I was sitting by ruined them for me by asking me if I knew them. These two were from the "popular group," and our Valedictorians are "nerds" I guess. So somewhere in their heads they think that everyone that they don't know must know each other. The thing is, I have classes with both of them, and I've spoken to both of them, but I don't know them. So yeah, that bothered me for no real reason. I got my diploma holder, shook hands, sat down and waited for a while. After the ceremony Jill and Amy came sprinting over and found me. Jill grabbed me from behind and gave me this huge hug and Amy did the same. I said goodbye to a few classmates, though not many, cause I don't really care if I never see them again. I found Stu and Pete and Dani, and hugged them, and introduced Emily to them. Them in order to avoid my family, Emily and I went to get our actual diplomas, cause heaven forbid they give us the real ones during the ceremony. Then Jimmy found me, and he came with me to find my family. I took pictures, and along the way somewhere, Amy and Jill walked by and were like "It wasn't us." So then I have no idea what they're talking about. I made my way to my car and discovered that it had been decorated with shaving cream during the ceremony. I took a bunch of pics, and when I get them developed I'll post them. Dani, Stu and Pete did it, and it was cute, cause they wrote nice things, but I just wasn't in the right place to appreciate it. Anyway, eventually I ended up at Jackie's for our party. But, I really didn't want to be there, at all after a while. People came that I wanted to see and hang out with, but eh. I left at 5:30 and came home. Dani was mixing our beverages for the evening, so Susan and I sampled them. Then I showered, and eventually everyone ended up here. I knew that people would be pissed at each other, so I just was like, "If you want to fight about it, go home. Tonight, we're celebrating cause we graduated, and that's cool." Jen and Jackie proceded to get plastered, despite the former's adamant statements that she couldn't drink too much. She puked 4 times before the night was over. I knew that I was pretty drunk, and I didn't want to do anything too stupid (I've learned a lot at Susan's), so I just sat quietly, and ended up falling asleep. When I woke up, Dina and Emily were gone, even though Dina was planning on spending the night, and Jackie and Jen were half-asleep in the living room with me. It was just stupid cause the only two people who I really wanted to hang out with yesterday left while I was asleep. And then this morning I had some other shit happen that I don't really want to talk about. And now I get to go to lunch with my parents, yay! *rolls eyes* Arg!! I shouldn't be in a bad mood! I just graduated yesterday!! Why does life always have to suck so much?! I mean, I know life sucks, but this is supposed to be a happy time! *deep breath* I'm grateful that I'm not hungover, that I'm not living with my parents, that I get to hide out for the next week, that I'm cute and that even if all my friends suck, I can make new ones. Right.