|
|
Gilly's
Glen
July 2002
July 27th @ 8:11pm
I just have to say, that even though he's on vacation in England,
it's good to know that one of my devoted readers is still checking
my site. Thanks Forest, you made my day. Our last softball game was
last night. We won and I made a few big plays. First inning, two outs
the other team is racking up runs. Someone is running home, pitcher
is coming at me, and at the last minute he tossed the ball to me, a few
feet behind home. I caught the ball and jumped onto home to get the
runner out. I have never cheered so loud, and our fans went crazy, the
team went crazy, I went crazy, it was great. Then later, two outs, I'm
at bat, get walked and end up going home. Barb and I were going crazy,
jumping around cheering for ourselves. Somewhere in all this, I'm on
the bench with another teammate, and everyone else is playing. We're
just chatting, and she asked me if Susan and Dani have any single
lesbian friends that she could set her roommate, Shannon, up with. In
my head, I'm cheering because I totally knew that Shannon was gay and
she's closer to my age. Now most of you know that I've been whining
lately about not being able to tell whether or not a girl my age is
gay. Well, I finally did get one right. Shannon is 28, but she looks
a lot younger. Anyway, I've always thought that she was pretty cute,
but it's not like I offered myself out there to be set up with her. I'm
leaving the state in just a few weeks, and it's not like I'll see her
again, except for maybe at the going away party in a few weeks. I was
just glad to have finally been able to tell. Jill made a comment to me
last night too, about being rather flaming. I was wearing this rainbow
striped bracelet that Dina gave me. She was wearing her's as well, but
her's isn't really flaming cause it's the wrong colors. Now, you have
to understand, I'm flaming nearly everyday, because of the flip flops
that Dina gave me, which also have rainbow stripes. I slept most of the
day today because I could. All last week I had to be at work at 8am.
I woke up at about 1:45 and a few minutes later my mom called from
Wisconsin where they're visiting Craig's mom. We didn't talk for long,
and she asked me how much money I had in my bank account. Well, I had
sat down a few days ago with Dani and figured out all my expenses in
college, and my earnings until then and realized that I will have enough
money by the end of the summer to pay for the full year next year.....
Just took a break to witness part of a show that I've waited three months
to see. Dani has a drumset downstairs, and she's talked about playing
it, but I've never actually seen her play. Well a minute ago, I heard
it, so I just had to go down and see it. She plays along with some of
her favorite songs, she's really good. So anyway, I told my mom that I
had the money for next year, and she got irked and was like, no, how
much do you have in your account? So I told her that, and then went
back to sleep. When I woke up at five, I started thinking, and was like,
now why would she ask me about that? I have no idea, unless she wants
to give me more money, but she just gave me a check on Monday, the rest
of the child support from my dad. At this point, I really don't want
more money from them, cause I'm feeling pretty good about being able to
come up with the money on my own. Anyway, I'm going to return to the
show downstairs. Who knows when I'll update again.
July 17th @ 6:17pm
I went over 4000 hits!! Yay me!!! I started training my
replacement this week, and she's doing great. I'm not. I have all
this stuff that I need to talk to her about, but I'm afraid to throw
it at her all at once because then her head will explode. As it is,
my head is exploding. This damn paper route is going to be the death
of me. One of the houses on our route is the boss's. They tell us
just to be sure his paper is folded correctly. We really don't worry
about it too much. We found out this morning that yesterday, I threw
the WRONG PAPER for him. Luckily, it wasn't too big of a deal, just
another thing I'll never live down. Then this morning Dani got pulled
over just as we're starting our route. The sheriff guy tried very
hard to find some reason to give her a ticket, but he had none, I guess
he was just bored. He followed us for about a mile before he could even
figure out a reason to be pulling her over. There's this girl who
comes with her mom every day on the paper route. She's twelve and
has the biggest crush on Dani. It's pretty amusing, but also valuable
because she folds half of our papers for us every morning before we
get there. The other morning she said something to Dani along the
lines of, "Oh, gee I'm wearing a skirt today and I didn't even realize
until I got here and looked down. Did you notice?" Dani and I are
debating going up to her mom and saying, "Do you know your daughter
is a lesbian?" We decided that we would rather keep our jobs and keep
letting her fold papers. I was just typing this really long email
to my new roommate, and then the fucking computer shutdown. Just like
that, the whole long thing was deleted. Grrrr. And now I'm done,
because our computer room is like a sauna at this time of day.
July 11th @ 9:42pm
Driving through Longmont lately has caused me to realize more and
more what this place means to me. Don't get me wrong, I certainly don't
love Longmont. However, I've realized just how many memories I have
tied to this place. Five years of stuff, which is more than I can say
about any other place I've lived in my whole life. Every street corner
reminds my of meetings with friends, stuff we've done, conversations
we've had. It's kind of cool to have so much wrapped up in one place,
in one group of people. It's kind of a new thing for me, as the girl
who's moved around her whole life. No matter how we've changed, I still
have that history with my high school friends. For example,
today I gave Forest a lift out to Niwot, and on my way into work took
the same route I took every day after school. Drove past the place
where I used to live, and for the first time, I realized that not only
do I not live there anymore, but my parents don't even live there. It's
a very strange feeling, to not belong to a place anymore after you've
lived there for so long. Well, long in my book, nearly 5 years. Today
has kind of been a reminiscent day. I met up with someone who I met a
year ago and haven't really spoken to since. Tonight, while taking
the dogs for a quick walk this guy in a car called out to me. "I know
you from somewhere," he says. I look at him for a moment in his black
Lexus, and suddenly realized that he was a buddy of mine from the
restaurant. The one I always used to joke with, he would say, "Boy, if
I were younger or you were older, we would get together." He had a
daughter that was only a year or two younger than me. I didn't talk to
him for long, but discovered that he lives right around the corner
from me. Today was the first day of the paper route. Dani and I
actually had a blast, backing up and pulling forward, trying to find
numbers on all these houses that don't seem to think they need to be
numbered. All these random memories from the two and a half hours kept
floating into my mind all day long. Eventually it will get old, and I
will hate dragging myself out of bed at 1:30am, but for now, I'm
looking forward to it. So now, I believe I will drag myself off to
bed, so that I can get some decent sleep before awakening in the
middle of the night. On the weekends we'll probably just stay up and
sleep till noon. Good night all (or none).
July 8th @ 11:30pm
Dani and I now share a paper route for the Denver Post. Woo. It's
actually pretty decent, $900/mo., that we'll share. Susan and Dani got
back from Iowa last night, and it made me very happy. I really only
like living there when they are around. Unfortunately tonight, I am
over at Amy's cause I'm watching her two crazy dogs. The girl, Sydney,
is constantly jumping on me, and Jake is currently licking a hole into
the carpet. (Yet another guy I know that wishes he could be a lesbian)
I was at work most of the day today, but did about 20 minutes of work
total. My boss, Jill, took the day off, so I can slack off too if I
want to. I spent most of my time talking to Dina and Liz. Liz is an
old friend of mine from Wisconsin, we went to middle school together.
She let me just sit and vent today, which was very nice of her. I also
really appreciate her comment in the guestbook, though I don't really
think it's entirely true. My roommate for next year called me last
night. I guess she's been trying to get ahold of me for quite some time
now. Anyway, I was talking to Liz about whether or not I should come
out to her, and if I do, when should I do it. And how? I mean you can
take the time and sit someone down and have "the conversation" with
them (which I personally hate), or it can just come up in natural
conversation, which I like better. So yeah, I still don't have any
clue what I'm going to do about that, and the depressing part is that
this doesn't go away. For the rest of my life I'm going to have to
ask myself these questions every time I meet someone new. Another
issue kind of hit me in the face today, related to this. Crushes on
straight girls (or at least I think she's straight). I tend to feel
very guilty when I'm interested in someone who has no way of knowing,
or suspecting that I'm interested in them. Like today, I was talking
to someone about something very routine and mundane, and in my head I'm
wondering what it would be like to fuck her. The minute the thought
crossed my mind, I felt totally guilty and horrible and wished that I
could take it back. I even think I mentioned to her once that I'm bi,
so she is aware, but she's the kind of person who doesn't walk around
paranoid about me. And I feel guilty that maybe she should be paranoid.
God, okay, I don't even know why I'm sharing all of this with a mostly
faceless, nameless audience. Like you all care or even understand.
July 5th @ 11:05pm
7:30am Dragged myself out of bed, fed animals, got ready.
8:30am Amy's to get dog oriented.
9:15am Home, water plants, read newspaper, talk to Jill.
10:30am Jill and Stu's, head to Elitches.
5:45pm Home again, shower, call Brenda.
7pm Veg out in front of TV, wait for Brenda's call, fall
asleep.
8:15pm Starbucks, coffee, chat with Brenda, clear up stuff.
9pm Border's, wander, see Katie and Colin, strange man asks
if I know him, I don't.
9:45pm Impulsively stop at Roger's Grove on way home, relive
various memories (parent's marriage, first kiss, jogging w/ Jen, talking
with Emily) from park. Leave soon because it is dark and scary.
10:15pm Home and motivated, thus changes that hopefully I
don't have to point out.
7-4-02
Why are all the cute girls straight? In the past month, I've
developed crushes on two girls who I'm pretty sure are straight.
Older women I have no problem determining their sexuality, but girls
my age are difficult for me to figure out. The bad thing is that I'm
going to be spending quite a bit of time with one of these girls for
the next six weeks. And even if she weren't straight, a relationship
between us would be incredibly innappropriate. I'm not going to
mention names, but let's just say that I do really have a thing for
red heads with freckles. ;-) I do have reason to hope though. I turned
my first boyfriend gay, and first girl straight, so perhaps I can
finally turn someone the right way. I'm sitting here laughing at
myself, and I hope you are too. It tends to make people uncomfortable
when you talk about turning people into something they're "not." Hell,
that could be my story, my life has changed so much this year due to
the influence of a certain person. But before you go fitting me into a
stereotype let me explain. Emily opened my eyes to a certain lifestyle,
and it was another girl entirely who made me realize that it was the
lifestyle for me. My heart still picks up pace when I see a rust red
station wagon, even if it's not the right one. Yet another straight
girl too. Maybe that's why I stick to guys too, at least they are
easier to read. I can tell gay guys my age in one glance. The older
ones are tougher. I do actually have a couple of guy potentials via
the Youth Center. I get the feeling that all I would have to do would
be raise my little finger. Those damn Youth Council guys, I don't know
quite what it is about me, or about them that I go for. For whatever
reason I just can't help but flirt terribly with them. Hmmm. I'm still
trying to decide what exactly I want to do tonight. There's half a
dozen people I could call, but I can't seem to make up my mind. I
could do a repeat of last year, but I'm almost tempted to just hang
out on my own. What I would really like to do is hang with Susan and
Dani, but they are in Iowa this week. Anyway, this was a really
pointless update, but when do I ever have a point?