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Gilly's
Glen
August 29th @ 10:04pm
My last update from Colorado, woo!! I've been mopey since noon,
when I finished packing everything up. Dani has done her best to
keep my spirits up. But I fucked it totally up by making the comment
at 12:30, "Well, you only have three and a half hours left with me,
what are you going to do with them?" The look in her eyes almost tore
me apart. I almost started crying right there. Tonight they are at
the Broncos game, and I have the house to myself, which is actually
a good thing. I've gotten a lot of stuff done, and managed to hide
a few sweet notes around for them. Amy came over and we packed up
our cars. We leave at 8am. I said good-bye to all the Youth Center
people this afternoon, no tears, lucky me. In the morning I say
good-bye to just Dani, but that's going to be close to impossible.
Well, Dani and my home for the past four months. I'll be gone for
four months and then back for a month and gone again. *sigh* Dani
and I went and did Go-karts and batting cages this afternoon for the
fun of it....I'm not sure really what I'm going to do with the
website once I get to Wisconsin, Forest thinks I should do something
totally different, perhaps I will. Though, I may not even have time
to deal with it. Give me at least a week to get everything worked out.
I have to buy ethernet card/cable and all that stuff when I get there,
so it could take me a while. Plus, I won't even be there till Saturday
night, and we're going to this LGBT thing. For whatever reason, the
cat has been really cuddly with me tonight, she keeps sitting in my
lap, which she never does. I think she can tell that I'm anxious, and
is trying in her evil bitch kitty way to be a dear kitten. It just
sucks right now, cause I know all of my hardest good-byes are ahead of
me. Dani tomorrow, then Susan, Jill and Amy all at once on Saturday
night. It just seems like if it's this hard to leave, I shouldn't even
be doing it. Dani sort of got me straightened out though. In order to
do what I want with my life I have to go. So I'm going. See you all
when I get there. Night all.
August 27th @ 11:04pm
This may sound weird, but the more you think about missing a
person, the more you find yourself missing them. Case in point,
tonight I was talking to Dina online about stuff, and how we would
see each other at Christmas, and it was almost this tangible thing,
how much I miss her. And I guess it's not even that I miss her, I
just miss the friendship that we had, the closeness, because we're
apart now and stuff is changing. I just can't wait to have her by
my side again, my other (platonic) half. I always liked having her
around, because even though I'm not seeing anyone, I would never be
the third wheel, cause Dina was there. And now, well it's not bad,
but it was always better with Dina here. And who knows, I could
bring home a real other half in December, you never know. But then
I'll have to spread myself out all the more. And there's only so
much of me to go around, though I do enjoy feeling loved. Tonight,
I went over to Dean and Judy's and hung with them for a while. Dean
is one of my favorite people in the world, he's just
cool, there's no other way to desribe him, and Judy is amazing for
dealing with him like she does. You know, I can't even begin to
imagine the depth that I am going to miss Susan and Dani in. I
couldn't pay back all that they have given me if I tried, and beleive
me, I want to. They've been much more than roommates or friends,
they've been exactly what I need at this point in my life, and I'm
not sure I'm ready to give that up yet, but I'm going to try. It
helps knowing that I always have a home with them if I need it. The
significance of having a home is lost on someone who has always lived
with their parents, or hasn't moved around much. I've been moved
around a lot in my childhood, but my mom was always there. I've
never felt quite as uprooted as I did from April 20th to the end of
May. I felt like a drifter, like I was tied to nothing and would
just float away with the slightest breeze. And I would have too, if
it weren't for Susan and Dani, and the Youth Center family. Now, I
have a "permanent address," and it belongs to a house that I've seen,
one that I've lived in, not one I've seen pictures of in a state that
I've never lived in. I have a home, and I have to leave it. Well,
now that I've gotten myself all depressed, I'm off to bed to dream
of my lovely wake-up call.
August 24th @ 10:32pm
I have so much packing to do!! It's such a stressful thing for
me because I can't pack up a lot of stuff just yet, so it just hangs
over me. I spent a few hours yesterday packing up winter clothes
and stuff. Today I haven't done much because Pete came up from
Denver, and Susan and I have been hanging out with him all day.
Friday was the last morning of the paper route, and to end it with a
bang Susan and I put the Rocky Mountain News in Denver Post bags and
the Denver Post in Rocky bags. We didn't realize that we had done
this until we were more than halfway done. So we had to go back and
switch them all, and I ended up running my ass off because a lot of
the time, there would be a Rocky on one side of the street and a Post
on the other that I could just trade. Needless to say, I am extremely
happy to no longer have to worry about it. Though, I am considering
helping Dani when I come home for Christmas, if she's still doing it.
Being able to sleep through the night last night was wonderful, it's
been two months since I've done that, with the exception of last Sunday,
but I didn't really sleep much more that night. I was totally out of
it on Friday morning though, cause I went clubbing Thursday night, and
came in at like 1:30am, and didn't go to sleep. I went with Brenda,
Jackie, and Jimmy, and Matt and Jake and some of their friends met us
there. I know that I made someone's week, I think his name was John,
and then there was this really attractive chick, who I just couldn't
bring myself to go up to. Anyway, there's a gay couple on "Trading
Spaces," so I'm going to head back downstairs to keep Susan company.
Oh, for kicks, check this out.
August 21st @ 2:07pm
Since May I have been living two different lives it seems. One of
these lives knows all about the other, and the other knows a lot
about the first one. That didn't make any sense, but what I'm getting
at is that there are a lot of things in my life that would shock some
people who think they know me. And they do know me, it just amuses me
the little things that they are not aware of that would blow their
minds. It's like having an inside joke with yourself, that you can
laugh about at any time you choose and not have to explain it. Vague
enough for you, eh? I'm leaving on the 30th for Wisconsin with Susan
and Amy, and we're picking Jill up in Iowa. Dani is in Tennessee
until next Wednesday, so I'll hardly see her before I leave. That bums
me out. I also only have two more days of doing the paper route to
worry about, yay!!! I can start sleeping through the night again!! I
have a whole list of stuff to get done before I leave for school, and I
think I may have just enough time to accomplish it. This afternoon I
have to pick up photos and a pack of CD-R's. It's kind of overwhelming
all the stuff that has to be done to get one to school.
August 13th @ 2:07pm
Have I mentioned lately how happy I am? Because I'm really
really happy with my life right now. In fact, I would almost say that
I'm the happiest I've ever been. No lie. And it feels so good to be
able to say that. There's nothing wrong with my being happy, nothing
at all. And it has nothing to do with the usual suspects. Today I
got my second arrangement of flowers in the last week. Six beautiful
roses were on my desk this morning, just waiting for me. And the card,
I couldn't have asked for anything better. Exactly what I needed to
hear to give me hope for the future. So now? I'm happy and hopeful.
Two H's. Good things are supposed to come in three's, maybe I can
come up with another H thing. Humored. Happy, hopeful and humored,
that's me today. And it doesn't look to change anytime soon. Why am
I humored? Take a look at this
and you'll understand better. Anyway, I'm going to continue on
with my day, blissfully happy to be alive.
August 8th @ 5:55pm
I am in the process of overhauling, please be patient. I just
updated the Alles page. There is no
longer a links page. If you want to find cool sites, check the
entries in the guestbook. The cool people page is gone. If you want
to see who's cool, check the most recent guestbook entries. If you
want some substance, check out know.
Read some great poetry, learn fun German phrases, learn about your
car. Rucks may soon be gone, so look
while you can. There is now a more convenient link to my daily
updates. The sun is no longer shining directly onto the computer
screen, so I can see much better. Okay, after one hour, I thikn I'm
actually finished. At least, I'm sick of this and want to quit. I've
been doing web stuff at work all day today too, so I'd rather come
home and watch TV.
August 5th @ 7:33pm
Well, I was in a rare mood to update and overhaul the
website, but I wasn't left alone for long enough to actually
accomplish the update, so all you have is this note for today. Dani
just started blasting Kid Rock downstairs, and Dina will be here in
a few minutes. We may be going to Pioneer Pies *wink wink* It's been
thundering, and the poor kitty is the only animal left that can really
hear, so she's not too happy with Dani's music now. She's hiding
upstairs with me, but it really it's doing much. Anyway, I go--Susan
got the job!!!!!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I'm really
gonna go.
August 3rd @ 10:26pm
Today I went four-wheeling for the first time in a few years. I'm not
actually a big fan of the "sport," but Susan and a friend of her's wanted to
take their XTerra's out together. Neither of them had ever been before, and
both Dani and I have gone too much. So I rode with Susan and Dani went with
Wendy. Susan and I commiserated for a while about our mothers. Dani's birthday
is Tuesday, and I'm making this collage kinda thingy for her. Dina came over a
few nights ago and took a bunch of pics of the two of us. Tonight we went to
Target to get some stuff for it. I'm over at her house right now typing this,
cause I never make it to the computer at home. There is just far too much else
to distract me there. And at work the past few weeks I've been really busy
training Katherine, and it's kinda stressing me out. For Dani's birthday, a
bunch of us are going to Waterworld, and thanks to Dina, I can give Dani the day
off of the paper route. It's kinda bugging me how similar their names are to
type cause I keep getting confused. The trials and tribulations of my life.
DInA and I are listening to Norah Jones, a CD that we now both have. I heard
the single on the radio a few times, and really liked it, but I never heard who
the artist was. I finally heard the name and repeated it to myself until I
could write it down. It's a really mellow CD, when I bought it I brought it on
the paper route, and that day, DAnI and I have no memories from. I'm glad to
be able to listen to a mellow CD all the time though, because for so long all I
wanted to listen to was Linkin' Park, which means that I'm angry. Now that I'm
happily out of my parent's house, I listen to nice lovely mellow music. It's a
good place to be. Anyway, the single, for the losers who don't know who she is
is titled Don't Know Why. The Sunday route sucks the worst. Bleh. But at
least I can sleep in a bit on Sundays. Oh, I've also discovered that by the
end of the summer I will have enough money to pay for school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For me that is the best news ever!!!!!!!!!!!! I am very proud of myself for
earning all the money for school for myself, cause not a whole lot of people
can do that. On Friday, I'm taking a group of kids down to this Paintball
place in Denver. It should be lots of fun. I'm thinking I'll have Dani come
along cause it will be a blast with her. Susan is having knee surgury in a week
and a half, so she will soon be healed.